How to Steal a Surfer's Car
Email From Brett, 8/12/04
Subject: How to Steal a Car
Step 1. Call AAA. Make up a phony name and tell them that you have locked your key in your car. (In my case, the name was not phony, but they never did locate a record of my membership).
Step 2. Wait by the car you want to steal. When the tow truck arrives, the driver will unlock the vehicle and get back in his truck before you can say, oh shit, I locked by
keys in my car!. Do not be concerned, the driver will not ask for your AAA card or any evidence that the vehicle actually belongs to you or you have any right to be getting into it.
Step 3, is a bit more difficult as it involves hotwiring the vehicle. Please refer to the internet for help with this topic.
Alternate uses for this method include stealing stuff off the seat or putting something putrid in the vehicle to torment the driver.
I can personally attest to the effectiveness of this technique as I have used it on more than one occasion to enter a vehicle without a key.
Brett
Surfers and car keys have an amazing relationship. Unless the surfer is fortunate enough to live within walking or bicycle distance from their favorite break, most surfers arrive by car. Since the days of the unlocked car have ended, the surfer will be left with the following dilemma: how does one keep the car key outside of the car in a place where is not prone to being lost to the vastness of the ocean, but will still be available for reentry into the vehicle when the surfing is done.
The solutions to this problem usually fall into one of two categories.
The first category is to hide the key somewhere near in the vehicle in an easily retrievable yet not completely obvious location. This solution is enormously popular. On any given morning, surfers can be seen hugging their cars in all manners of strange positions as the struggle to retrieve keys hidden in the various folds of sheet metal bumpers, fenders, or wheel wells.
While most have the act of hiding the key down to a science (you can't be too obvious about tucking your key onto a ledge inside of the wheel well - what if the robber were watching), surfers can be observed retrieving their keys quite openly. I once watched a wet surfer in a wetsuit lying on the ground fighting with his truck's front bumper for a full three minutes while I waited for a traffic light. Catching his eye, I gave him the look of understanding. I've lost a key in a front fender before and know how much fun it can be reaching into unreachable places amidst sheet metal and engine grease with cold, wet, uncooperative hands. The traffic light turned green and I pulled off into the morning. The guy was still lying on the black top, trying to convince his bumper to give the key back.
The second solution to the key problem is provided by the surf wear and equipment industries.
Most wetsuits feature key pockets, cloth pouches with fold over mouths sewn into the back of a wetsuit just between the shoulder blades. Once inserted and zipped up, the key is unnoticeable to the surfer or observer.
Quality board shorts will feature pockets with high quality Velcro that seals the entirety of the pocket width. Some of the pockets even have a looped piece of string sewn into the pocket to pull through the key chain hole before sealing the pocket with Velcro. Even if the surfer decides to go surfing in a thong bikini, many surfboard leashes contain an extra pocket and flap of Velcro within the ankle strap designed to hold a car key.
I, for one, always use the wetsuit pocket for my car key when I'm wearing a wetsuit. In warmer water, I generally trust the full pocket Velcro seal, and have never lost a key through a Velcro pocket. I will, however, tie the key into the string for that extra measure of safety if the string is present.
Oddly enough, and perhaps I'm missing some crucial piece of logic here, but many surfers favor hiding keys in their cars.
Of course, there is a third option.
On a Thursday morning, Brett and I pulled on our wetsuits and waxed our surfboards. I zipped up my wetsuit, tossed the last bit of clothing onto my car seat, and closed the door. Behind me, I heard Brett's car door close. I glanced back to see Brett looking through me with wide eyes of fear.
"you did it, didn't you."
Brett searched his mind with his eyes, looking right and left at nothing visible. "shit.", he concluded.
he unzipped his wetsuit and checked the pocket, hoping against hope that he had subconsciously put the key where it belonged out of habit. not finding it, Brett sighed and his shoulders sagged.
"in my experience," I offered, "it's best to go ahead and surf and worry about it later."
Brett glanced at me quizzically. "I've done it both ways." I continued. "I've stayed on shore. I've stressed out about the key and not gone surfing. and, I've surfed and come back to deal with the key later. I have to say, you might as well go surfing."
Brett though about this for a moment, then accepted it fully. his demeanor immediately changed as he cleared the key problem from his mind entirely. by the time we got to shore, he was chatting regularly about his online surfboard shopping adventures and a silly "how to surf" video he'd emailed to me the day before.
We surfed an unusually crowded line-up of surfers. The waves had picked up and were coming in chest high to shoulder high on the sets. I got a couple of fun rights and a lumpy left.
I took off on a good sized wave which immediately let me know it was going to close out and leave me nowhere to go. I pointed straight to shore taking the wave in. Brett was paddling out about 10 yards to my left, grinning at me. I motioned towards the shore, giving him the "go in" signal.
He had completely forgotten about the key, but remembered once I motioned. Fortunately, we got out of the water about fifteen minutes earlier than usual. Neither of us having cell phones, we had to drive around a few blocks before finding a working payphone for him to call his roadside service company.
More Later
-Travis
copyright 2004, Travis R. English
Subject: How to Steal a Car
Step 1. Call AAA. Make up a phony name and tell them that you have locked your key in your car. (In my case, the name was not phony, but they never did locate a record of my membership).
Step 2. Wait by the car you want to steal. When the tow truck arrives, the driver will unlock the vehicle and get back in his truck before you can say, oh shit, I locked by
keys in my car!. Do not be concerned, the driver will not ask for your AAA card or any evidence that the vehicle actually belongs to you or you have any right to be getting into it.
Step 3, is a bit more difficult as it involves hotwiring the vehicle. Please refer to the internet for help with this topic.
Alternate uses for this method include stealing stuff off the seat or putting something putrid in the vehicle to torment the driver.
I can personally attest to the effectiveness of this technique as I have used it on more than one occasion to enter a vehicle without a key.
Brett
Surfers and car keys have an amazing relationship. Unless the surfer is fortunate enough to live within walking or bicycle distance from their favorite break, most surfers arrive by car. Since the days of the unlocked car have ended, the surfer will be left with the following dilemma: how does one keep the car key outside of the car in a place where is not prone to being lost to the vastness of the ocean, but will still be available for reentry into the vehicle when the surfing is done.
The solutions to this problem usually fall into one of two categories.
The first category is to hide the key somewhere near in the vehicle in an easily retrievable yet not completely obvious location. This solution is enormously popular. On any given morning, surfers can be seen hugging their cars in all manners of strange positions as the struggle to retrieve keys hidden in the various folds of sheet metal bumpers, fenders, or wheel wells.
While most have the act of hiding the key down to a science (you can't be too obvious about tucking your key onto a ledge inside of the wheel well - what if the robber were watching), surfers can be observed retrieving their keys quite openly. I once watched a wet surfer in a wetsuit lying on the ground fighting with his truck's front bumper for a full three minutes while I waited for a traffic light. Catching his eye, I gave him the look of understanding. I've lost a key in a front fender before and know how much fun it can be reaching into unreachable places amidst sheet metal and engine grease with cold, wet, uncooperative hands. The traffic light turned green and I pulled off into the morning. The guy was still lying on the black top, trying to convince his bumper to give the key back.
The second solution to the key problem is provided by the surf wear and equipment industries.
Most wetsuits feature key pockets, cloth pouches with fold over mouths sewn into the back of a wetsuit just between the shoulder blades. Once inserted and zipped up, the key is unnoticeable to the surfer or observer.
Quality board shorts will feature pockets with high quality Velcro that seals the entirety of the pocket width. Some of the pockets even have a looped piece of string sewn into the pocket to pull through the key chain hole before sealing the pocket with Velcro. Even if the surfer decides to go surfing in a thong bikini, many surfboard leashes contain an extra pocket and flap of Velcro within the ankle strap designed to hold a car key.
I, for one, always use the wetsuit pocket for my car key when I'm wearing a wetsuit. In warmer water, I generally trust the full pocket Velcro seal, and have never lost a key through a Velcro pocket. I will, however, tie the key into the string for that extra measure of safety if the string is present.
Oddly enough, and perhaps I'm missing some crucial piece of logic here, but many surfers favor hiding keys in their cars.
Of course, there is a third option.
On a Thursday morning, Brett and I pulled on our wetsuits and waxed our surfboards. I zipped up my wetsuit, tossed the last bit of clothing onto my car seat, and closed the door. Behind me, I heard Brett's car door close. I glanced back to see Brett looking through me with wide eyes of fear.
"you did it, didn't you."
Brett searched his mind with his eyes, looking right and left at nothing visible. "shit.", he concluded.
he unzipped his wetsuit and checked the pocket, hoping against hope that he had subconsciously put the key where it belonged out of habit. not finding it, Brett sighed and his shoulders sagged.
"in my experience," I offered, "it's best to go ahead and surf and worry about it later."
Brett glanced at me quizzically. "I've done it both ways." I continued. "I've stayed on shore. I've stressed out about the key and not gone surfing. and, I've surfed and come back to deal with the key later. I have to say, you might as well go surfing."
Brett though about this for a moment, then accepted it fully. his demeanor immediately changed as he cleared the key problem from his mind entirely. by the time we got to shore, he was chatting regularly about his online surfboard shopping adventures and a silly "how to surf" video he'd emailed to me the day before.
We surfed an unusually crowded line-up of surfers. The waves had picked up and were coming in chest high to shoulder high on the sets. I got a couple of fun rights and a lumpy left.
I took off on a good sized wave which immediately let me know it was going to close out and leave me nowhere to go. I pointed straight to shore taking the wave in. Brett was paddling out about 10 yards to my left, grinning at me. I motioned towards the shore, giving him the "go in" signal.
He had completely forgotten about the key, but remembered once I motioned. Fortunately, we got out of the water about fifteen minutes earlier than usual. Neither of us having cell phones, we had to drive around a few blocks before finding a working payphone for him to call his roadside service company.
More Later
-Travis
copyright 2004, Travis R. English
posted by travinator @ 4:57 PM
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